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BY JACK GODBEY

Contributing columnist

It seems we get lied too at every turn. I saw a commercial that said you can eat whatever you want and still lose weight by swallowing their pill. Oh, if that were true, I’d put a hurting on the buffet line at the Golden Corral for sure. Yes, lies are everywhere and even my own home isn’t safe. For example, my bathroom mirror told me that I was looking pretty buff this morning. However, the bathroom scale said, “Don’t believe it Dumbo, do you have rocks in your pockets or what?”

We have lies that we tell so often that we start to believe them ourselves like asking someone how they are doing when we couldn’t care less and we lie right back and say, “Doing fine,” when you actually woke up peeved off at the world. If we were honest, we’d have to say that the check is not in the mail, my phone didn’t die, I just don’t want to talk to you and no I have no intention of exercising today or any other day.

Some lies are told to protect someone’s feelings who may not be ready to hear the truth. I remember going to a work dinner and a friend told me that I just had to try this dish they made. It tasted like sweaty socks and butt mixed together, but I just smiled and lied, “This is delicious.” A co-worker came in showing off their new shirt and asked those dreaded words, “How does it look on me?” They looked like Shrek and Honey Boo Boo had a baby and dressed it from a garage sale, but I lied and said, “Looking good.”

A co-worker who is a new father pulled out his phone and started showing baby pictures. I made the mistake of glancing in that direction and just like that I was committed to looking at a hundred pictures of the newborn baby. I lied, “Oh it’s adorable.” What I thought was, “It looks like a wrinkled muskrat.”

Big food companies lie to us all the time as well. I was at the grocery store, and I saw a bottle of apple juice that said 100% juice. However, on the back it said it contains 27% juice but 100% of that was real. Gee thanks. I’m more worried about what the other 73% is. A box of breakfast cereal says they are part of a healthy breakfast. Only if processed sugar is considered healthy. You lie, Toucan Sam. Shame on you.

Fast food restaurants are full of lies as well. They put a picture of a big, hot, juicy burger with cheese dripping from it on TV. However, When I order one, it looks like someone let the air out of it. I have to go on a scavenger hunt to find the meat. I feel like screaming, “Where’s the beef?”

I saw a commercial for a sub sandwich at least a hundred times in an hour span and they finally broke me down, so I went out to get one. I went into the store and ordered but was told that they were all out of that item. Really? You bombard me with advertising and then are out of it? The owner of the restaurant lived in my neighborhood, so I called him to see why he was denying my craving. After the owner made an angry phone call to the worker, I found out they weren’t out at all. The worker was just tired of making them. The owner gave me a coupon for a free sandwich. Since I don’t enjoy spit sandwiches, I had to pass. Mama didn’t raise no fool.